THE FACELESS BOY (Part 3)

It had been very difficult for me to also accept the fact that I would never see Jonathan again. I hoped he would contact me at least after death. I cleaned Natalie's bedroom and, while changing the bed, found two of Jonathan's curled T-shirts under her pillow. My heart pounded. I felt the pain that she was desperately trying to overcome and accept this huge loss. But can one really recover from losing a child? Fortunately, I do not know such an experience in this life, but I know that the wound will never heal completely, even though I know what happens to the soul after death and where it goes, in most cases. For a mother who loses a child, it is as if a part of her heart and soul has been ripped out. I tried to connect with him.There was a photo of him in Natalie’s room, which she put there after his death. I tried looking him in the eye; "If you can and want to send me something for your parents and brother, please do it." I noticed Jonathan's smiling face in my mind, which surprised me as he rarely smiled. Then my body began to nod from side to side, like a boat at sea. "Jonathan, what do you mean by that? I feel your peace and a gentle smile, but what does that nod mean?" Jonathan replied, "Go to my room." I listened to him. I entered the room, sat on his bed, and waited — what's next. "Look in my closet," he said in a slow, calm voice. It was exactly how he spoke during his life, always calmly and quietly. I turned my head to the right where he was navigating me. I saw the protruding corner of the memorial plaque with photos of Jonathan from his childhood until his death, which Natalie had prepared for the funeral. I went into the closet, pulled out the whiteboard, and turned it over to look at it. A letter written in Jonathan's handwriting that was addressed to his parents caught my eye. He wrote it from Boston, where he completed his bachelor's degree a year ago. He thanked them for all the love they gave him, for their sacrifice, so that he could study. At the end of the letter was the phrase: "Smile and wave!" A tear jumped out of my eye. "So that's what you wanted to tell me with my nod and your smile. Are you trying to tell me that I shouldn’t be worried about you?" I was moved by what had just happened. After completely observing the board, I put it back in the closet from where I got it, Jonathan then led me to take a book from the table. There were about 5 books and he turned my attention to one of them. I never noticed it before he died. The book was bound in hardcover and looked quite old, with interesting ornamental patterns. I picked it up and let myself be guided by Jonathan. I opened it on a random page and began reading. There were poems, written in Old Testament English, which was a difficult artistic English for me, I didn't understand many words so I helped myself with an online translator. Even after reading the first stanza, I was shocked. It was a wonderful legacy from Jonathan, for his parents. An excerpt from the poem I remembered was something like this: “Fill this house with my dead eyes ... How could I forget you? How could I forget the love you shared with me, the warmth of home and my family ...? "I couldn't hold back my tears; after reading it, Jonathan told me to open the book again. Another poem he referred to me was called "The Traveler" and the text said that this was not his home where he was to remain, that he was a traveler who was looking for his own place in the universe even though he knew that his departure had caused pain to all, especially his brother Michael, who was crushed by Jonathan's sudden death. I put the book back in its original place and thanked him for the wonderful, though painful, references, and I promised him that if the right time came, I would tell his parents about them. However, this time had not come yet, their wounds were still a little too big.

An entire month had passed since Jonathan left. It was half past four in the afternoon and I was just leaving their house. As I got into the car, my inner voice led me to turn around and look at the roof. A beautiful huge hawk was sitting on the roof gutter. He was looking straight at me. I smiled and greeted him. "Hi Jonathan, I know you came to greet me through this flying beauty and let me know you're okay in this way." I got in the car, but I didn't take my eyes off the predator while backing out of the yard. He took off and flew away at that moment. As I backed out of the driveway, I never let my eyes off of him, I wanted to see where he would fly to, when I suddenly noticed him sitting right on top of their mailbox looking at me. I simply had to laugh, having a good feeling from the occurrence. I Once again thanked Jonathan for this wonderful greeting from the other side.

Several months have passed since Jonathan's beautiful greeting. Natalie didn't want to give up his ashes, so she had a special urn made for him. It looked like a work of art made of two differently colored, oval, interconnected stones. She placed it on her desk in the corner of the living room. I didn't like it because Jonathan told me after his death that he wanted to be properly buried. He showed me a beautiful place under a tree where he liked to go. However, Natalie did not want to believe it, because they had never talked about such things together in their lifetime. That's why I left it be, it wasn’t my place to say anything. It was half past three and I had another hour to go home. Suddenly I heard the front door open. Natalia's husband Michael came, which surprised me a little. He has avoided me since the funeral. He was not ready to talk about his son. He needed to accept his death. Coincidentally, I was just wiping the dust off Jonathan's urn when Michael walked right past me. He greeted me and headed straight for Jonathan's room. I knew the time was right and he wanted to finally talk to me about his son. After a few minutes, he left his room and walked straight to me. He started by saying that I could go home earlier and that they were very happy with my work. I knew he was saying that because he didn't know how to start. At the same time, he showed me his trust in me, expressed in other words. I also felt his nervousness and that he didn't know how to proceed. "Do you know that Natalie and I were in New Mexico a week ago?" He finally managed to get over it “No I had no idea”, I tried unnerving him. “It is the original place of the Native Americans.” – He continued “Even today, it is third highest place of Living Native American populations. Along the way, we stopped at a small shop selling Native American souvenirs. A very nice old Indian woman was behind the cash register. She sat at the small counter, watching us in silence. We chose a few beautiful handmade leather and stone items that appealed to us. As we headed toward the cash register to pay, the Indian woman smiled kindly at us and began to chat with us. She asked us if we were on a trip, where we came from, but she was staring at Natalie all the time. Then she did something special. With one hand she passed Natalie our things wrapped and bagged, with the other hand, she grabbed on to Natalie. Natalie looked incomprehensibly at the woman”. The women then asked; "Do you believe that there is life after death?"Michael continued on; “we were shocked by her question and didn't know what to say. Our pain was still too great for us to talk to anyone about, which the Indian woman sensed and still added: “Our loved ones can give us any sign from the other side to let us know that they are okay. Many times they do it through animals.” – “I couldn't listen to it. I could only say thank you and quickly jolted for the exit. There was a heavy and painful silence in the car, on the way to the hotel. Natalie stared blankly in front of her, and I tried to focus on the road. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a huge hawk fell down from the sky and flew right in front of the windshield of the car. I stepped hard on the brakes to avoid a collision with the predator. We almost ended up in a ditch. Natalie and I looked at each other, and I said, ‘During those endless seconds of trying to keep the car on the road, it crossed my mind that it was a message from our son and that our journey was not over. We have to keep going and that he will stay with us forever.’ I knew these were not my thoughts and the knowledge of that made us both cry. We hugged and thanked for the sign. How did the Indian woman know that?" - Michael asked me. "Do you think she had some abilities and could read our past, or better yet, do you think she knew what would await us after leaving the store? And let me tell you, after this experience, I began to believe that there may be something between heaven and earth, even though we can't see it and we can't even explain many things to our rational minds." As I was listening to Michaels story, I couldn’t help but smile. " Thank God" – I finally said out loud. " You don't even know how happy I am. The whole time since Jonathan left, I've asked God to show me or tell me how I could possibly help you in any way. And I thank him for that with love! Come with me, Michael, I want to show you something." I led him to Jonathan's room. I told him - what happened to me when I cleaned their bedroom and the first time that Jonathan spoke to me since his death. About his first message to me, the letter from the memorial board he sent them, and the poems Jonathan referred to me to. Michael listened to me quietly and I felt that his sever pain was beginning to ease up. His eyes were wet with tears. With a moved voice, but also with a kind of hidden joy in him, he thanked me for everything. He escorted me to the front door. We hugged for a while and I left; although full of emotions but somewhat content. A few days after that, I had arranged a skype call to my mom to Slovakia. I can talk to her, see her and work at the same time. It makes my time at work go a bit faster. "Hi mom, how are you?" I was glad to see her again. "I'm fine, if only my spine and joints didn't bother me so much. What about you? Do you have anything new? Like children and work?" I started to talk, but after a short while I saw my mother waving her hands and putting her finger to her mouth. "Shh, shut up," she warned me. I didn't understand her gestures, so I kept going. When she kept shushing me, I asked what she was doing. "Why do you keep telling me to be quiet? Did something happen to you?" Mom leaned over the computer and whispered," Why are you calling me when Michael is home? " By that she meant Jonathan's younger brother. "Do you want to lose your job because you are on the phone?" I looked at her blankly. "What are you talking about, Mom? Nobody's here, I'm completely alone." Mom didn't give up and continued, "Are you kidding me? I saw him. I saw him walk past you, behind your back." That's when I realized, "Mom, I swear I'm here alone. Tell me what you saw and especially what he was wearing." "He was wearing a basic pastel colored T-shirt and short gray plaid knee-length pants." My mother confidently described the figure she had seen behind me. “You've seen Jonathan. There's really no one else in the house." – I said to her. Mom shook her head in disbelief and leaned against the back of the chair with a surprised look on her face. She thought I was making fun of her. "I asked you about clothes because the two boys had different tastes and it was Jonathan who loved plaid shorts. He had about four types in different colors." I further explained to my mother with a smile on her face. She didn't believe with her own eyes what she had just seen. So she asked me incomprehensibly, “But how is it possible that I could see him? nothing like that happened has ever happened to me before."

"Mom, anything is possible and I believe that you seeing him was a sign so I could tell his family that he didn't leave and he is still with them. Believe it, even if it sounds unbelievable, it is a fact. After all, I had to inherit my gift from someone, maybe just you - something you don't even know about." Now I was really just making fun of her just a bit but I didn’t doubt that she saw him. Ever since his death, I’ve sensed his presence often, not to mention the messages he had given me a few times for his family. It had now come the time to say goodbye. We were moving back to Slovakia. It was difficult to leave Natalie's family. I worked for them for almost five years. We went through many difficult times when we were able to support each other. They weren't just the people I worked for. They were close to my soul. After a few years spent with them, I had the opportunity to find out - what they were like not only on the outside, but what their hearts and characters were made of. They built themselves up with hard work and without the help of others but they always helped those who needed it and never said no. I asked myself several times why this had happened to them. But I still haven't received answers to some questions. I know that even if it is difficult to accept, I dare say that everything is different - as we actually think. Today I know that their son and they have chosen this path in life. I have heard the sayings of some people who have spoken of an unjust God. A God who will punish people who have done the most good in life. But after years of different life experiences, hearing many life stories and communicating with the souls of the dead, I already know that all this was chosen by our souls before incarnating on this Earth, and God agreed with our decision. We chose it to cleanse our path, correct the wrongs of our past, or the wrong doings committed by our family lineage, so that we are able to reach the highest possible level; a level worthy of God. Through these trials, our humble acceptance, we purify ourselves and gradually become an image of God. Whenever we have suffered, God has suffered with us. When we were joyous, he was joyous with us. That's exactly what He told me in one of the many messages I have had over the years.

He has always been and is with us, even if he doesn't answer sometimes. He is silent as a teacher waiting for our decisions in the most difficult lessons. And if we fall and we are at the bottom, He always calls and gives us a helping hand, which I had the opportunity to experience firsthand. Every time I was down and couldn't stand up, I called out to him desperately and He always called back. He never left me on the ground and always performed miracles for me because I trusted him all the time. They were miracles from small to big that my other real stories will be about. Therefore, please do not close your hearts. If you are currently experiencing a difficult and in your view, unfair life situation, know that everything has a reason. Everything is actually different. These trials teach us love, forgiveness, humility, acceptance and courage. They teach us patience, to be able to sit down and not give up. To be able to go from your own superiority and submit yourself to God. They teach us to calm down and listen to the inner guidance that takes us along the path we have chosen here on Earth. And believe me, even if we lose someone, death does not mean real loss. The soul lives and continues even without the physical form and we will always meet that soul again, either on the other side or in one of our other incarnations. We don't own anything or anyone. We do not own parents or our children, who chose us before they were born. They choose lives when they need to experience lessons in a specific family and in a specific environment. We were only allowed to experience and feel maternal or paternal love, to be able to be a part of their development and growth.It is the process of growth for us also, because not only do we teach our children, but first and foremost they teach us. The loss itself teaches us the natural cycle of life, as it is with all living things. We plant the seed, it sprouts and a beautiful flower grows out of it, which we take care of all the time with love, tenderness and patience. Everything that is the opposite hinders and destroys the right growth and development, and it’s the same way with children. It all teaches us to love. Therefore the time will come when the flower will perish, and so will all material. It teaches us that nothing lasts forever. Only love is eternal. With each loss of a loved one, we learn how to let go, to disengage, but continue to love nonetheless. One man once said that he loved God with all his heart and soul, and someone else objected, "You have never seen him, and you have not touched him." The man smiled and said, "Love cannot be seen, only felt in your heart. What can't we see and catch doesn't exist? It's just a trap of our mind in this material world. I feel God in my life and I see everything around me." The same is true for the loss of a loved one. There is nothing stopping us from loving someone we no longer see and cannot embrace. But we can feel their presence. And that is what teaches us unconditional love and freedom ....

(Names of the actual characters in the story were changed in order to protect their privacy and identity)

Source cover photo: pinterest.com